Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Thirty

"You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised in a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days."

 
Someone Like You (Adele)
 
“It’s high time you learned to drive Maryann, oh and also learn how to swim”, I mumble to myself time and again. The mumbling has become more frequent each time I’d look at the calendar slowly inching towards my 30th birthday. “These things become harder to learn as you get older Maryann, learn them now, or you’ll never get down to either”, the mumbling has recently become furious and urgent.

“Older”- a word I’d laugh at ten year ago.

Ten years ago I thought I had it all figured out. I had planned everything, right down to their smallest details. I knew which college I wanted to study in, I had my eye on a “Dream Job” I was sure to land (and I did, and which I left not long after), I had an idea for a book I was keen to write (I mean, how hard can that be) and I wanted to travel. Marriage never loomed on the horizon then- I had trashed that idea completely, but I had named the babies (I wanted triplets-girls) I was sure I would have before thirty. 

I was having a late rebellion of sorts and decided that I knew best. I knew what I wanted from my life and I would go ahead and get it- nothing would stop me. I was itching to throw myself into the world headlong. I would live and learn right? Right! 

I chuckle as I think of myself as a twenty something; how na├»ve, how trusting, how confident. 

My twenties were an eventful decade and for that I am glad. I changed a string of jobs, I gave up my job with a leading international airline and decided I wanted to write for a living. I also fell in love, got married, moved continents and moved back again. I’m still writing to make rent and pay my bills, but somehow the need of having those babies I had named hasn't surfaced yet. 

Many times I find myself thinking would I have done things differently then if I knew then what I know now? I would be lying if I said no. But that’s the whole idea of “live and learn” I guess. It isn't fun to make mistakes, but I've realised it’s important to learn from them. 

I've learned to let go of relationships which weren't going anywhere and which weren't helping me evolve. I've learned to say “No”, a firm no (life is short and my time is precious). I've learned that the best therapy is a chat with a friend and a good cry. I've learned to prioritize things in my life (the phrase time is money has never made more sense). I've learned that “later” usually means never. So don’t keep that pair of heels for later, for a special occasion, because chances are you’ll forget all about them (or worse, you’ll have rats gnawing into them) - the same also applies to you passion, don’t wait for later do it now! I've learned that throwing money at some problems does help.  I've learned that writing and baking make me happy and I want to spend more time doing that. I've learned exercise is important. Work out at least four times a week, your body will thank you for it later. I have learned to eat that bar of chocolate if I really, really want to. The rest, I’m still learning. 

Today on the eve of my birthday, I truly am looking forward to turning thirty. I’ll be done with all the waiting of the previous year, perched on the edge on my twenties. And as I tumble onto the other side, who knows, maybe I wake up all calm and zen like with all the answers of life on my thirtieth birthday!   

And the best thing about turning thirty? Now I can shake my head with disapproval and grumble “Oh you know these twenty somethings!” 

2 comments:

  1. Fabulous. Loved reading it :) won't wish you today. Will wish you on your birthday :)

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  2. Thanks Silky, you're very encouraging, as always :D

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